Blake’s Clash of the Champions VII Review: Guts and Glory!

This has to be one of the hottest shows in the history of wrestling, and the Clash of the Champions VII review will showcase exactly what I mean by that.

There’s plenty of excitement about the main event, but will the rest of the card deliver?

Let’s take a look at Blake’s Clash of the Champions VII review.

Date: June 14, 1989

Location: Fitz-Epps Fitness Center in Fort Bragg, NC

RINGSIDE: Jim Ross and Bob Caudle welcome us to the military base at Fort Bragg as the crowd goes insane. We get the Star-Spangled Banner to kick things off.

VIDEO: We see the Steiner Brothers, Missy Hyatt, Ranger Ross, and others going through military training earlier in the day.

The Dynamic Dudes vs. The Fabulous Freebirds (w/Terry Gordy) – NWA World Tag Title Tournament Semifinals

The fans pelt the ring with trash before the match even starts. If you look at everyone’s shirts, it appears that it’s approximately 437 degrees in the building. It’s all Johnny and Shane early until Garvin takes control and tags in Hayes. JR reminds us that there’s plenty of exciting action to come, including the DEBUT OF THE DING DONGS. If you want to scroll ahead to that masterpiece, I completely understand.

Johnny gets a near fall on Hayes but then misses a flying cross body. Garvin back in and he gets some offense but Hayes throws Johnny into the railing outside. Trash still flying at the bad guys. We work to the hot take to Shane who delivers the DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER. Near fall on Garvin and we’ve got a brouhaha in the ring.

The Dudes dropkick Hayes outside and then work on Garvin. Shane with a school boy but Hayes sneaks in and hits the DDT, which allows Garvin to score the pain at 7:14. Lots of heat for this one.

• Rating: **

Ranger Ross vs. The Terrorist

This is as 1989 as it gets. Something tells me things are not in the Terrorist’s favor here. Ranger completely decimates the Terrorist and hits the Combat Kick for the win at 1:25.

• Rating: U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!

VIDEO: We get a Road Warriors hype video with “Iron Man” as the song of choice.

IN THE RING: JR is drenched in sweat as he welcomes Great Muta and Gary Hart. There are also two jobbers in the ring, and my goodness is everyone sweating profusely. Hart makes a few jabs and then Eddie Gilbert hits the ring to try to get revenge on Muta, but the GREAT BALL OF FIRE hits one of the jobbers in the face. This segment is worth watching solely for the sweat.

The Ding Dongs vs. Cougar Jay and George South

Holy shit do the people hate these ding dongs. The fans are booing these guys out of the building. The gimmick is that one of the ding dongs has a bell in the corner while the other is wrestling. The bell is ringing like crazy, and I’ve never been a bigger Cougar Jay and George South fan than I am at this moment. AND THEN THE BELL BREAKS IN HALF. Biggest pop of the decade for that.

Ding or Dong nearly falls off the top rope before they hit their finisher for the win at 3:39. It’s usually not a good sign when JR says this when the match is over: “Oh that was horrible.”

• Rating: DUD

The Midnight Express (w/Jim Cornette) vs. The Samoan Sweat Team (w/Paul E. Dangerously) – NWA World Tag Title Tournament Semifinals

Before the match a fan hits the ring and the military members remove him before he can get his ass kicked. Eaton did give him a nice little shove on the head on the way out. Cornette charges at Paul E to start the match and it may legitimately be hot enough to cook a steak on the ring mat. Eaton and Lane kicking ass in the early going until Lane catches a kick to the face.

Samoans dominating, and Fatu gives Eaton a suplex on the outside. Paul E smiling while on his phone, which hopefully means that he’s located an air conditioner. Back inside and Fatu missed a spear in the corner. That allows the hot tag to Lane. He hits the side Russian leg sweep for a two count. All four men going at it and Nick Patrick goes down. AND HERE COME THE ROAD WARRIORS. They destroy the Samoans, and Lane gets the pin at 6:00. Holy hell did the crowd love them some Road Warriors.

• Rating: **1/2

RINGSIDE: JR shows us the video of Terry Funk obliterating Ric Flair at Clash of the Champions VI. Someone please get JR some water. We go to another video previewing the TRIPLE CROWN KING OF THE HILL DOUBLE RING BATTLE ROYALE. Say that five times fast, folks.

Terry Gordy vs. Dr. Death Steve Williams

My goodness is this a hoss fight or what? Williams hits the ring immediately and we’ve got a brawl on our hands. Hard punches from each man as Williams takes control and knocks Gordy to the mat. The majority of the audience has lost their shirts at this point, and I can’t blame them.

We work to Gordy locking in the headlock as ring announcer Gary Michael Cappetta looks on in what can only be described as a dehydrated state. Williams back on offense as a slam to Gordy sends the latter retreating to the outside. Back inside and Williams hits the high cross body for a two count. Dropkick to Gordy and then things escalate to the aisle where they keep fighting. Gordy keeps walking to the back and Williams goes after him to gives us the double countout at 6:26.

The crowd chants “bullshit.” OR WERE THEY CHANTING “DING DONGS!” Perhaps we’ll never know.

• Rating: *

Norman the Lunatic (w/Teddy Long) vs. Mike Justice

Fun fact: Justice is the jobber that didn’t get the great ball of fire in his eye from Gilbert’s earlier mishap. Unfortunately his jobber friend wasn’t so lucky. This match is over as soon as it starts as Norman hits a running splash in the corner for the victory at :47. The mental ward employees come out with the gurney afterwards to take Norman back home. They wheel him out of the place.

• Rating: 1/2*

VIDEO: Another look at the upcoming battle royal at Great American Bash.

RINGSIDE: Freebirds out here talking to JR. Garvin says no one can beat them. Gordy talks about Williams before JR sends it to a video hyping Brian Pillman.

The Varsity Club vs. The Steiner Brothers (w/Missy Hyatt)

Scott with a hot start until Rotunda comes in and that leads to all four men going at it. Scott hits a nice slam to Sullivan and the latter makes the tag to Rotunda. The crowd wants Rick, so Scott tags him in. All Steiners at this point. We get some technical action from Rick and Rotunda, but Rotunda gets the momentum by hitting a back suplex.

Sullivan in and he gets a little offense before we switch to Scott and Rotunda. Double team from Rotunda and Sullivan with Patrick having his back turned. Sullivan absolutely destroys Scott on the outside, and he even tosses the stairs as Scott’s knee. Holy hell. Patrick with his back turned again as Rotunda tags in.

Big dropkick from Rotunda and the Club is back to dissecting Scott. Double arm suplex from Rotunda gets a two as JR puts Scott over like pure gold. HOLY SHIT THEY SHOW SCOTT’S BACK AND THE BRUISE IS MASSIVE. That happened during Sullivan’s attack on the outside. Hot tag to Rick, but it doesn’t do much as Patrick goes to the outside with Rick and Sullivan. Rotunda then suplexes Scott on a chair and Patrick rolls into the ring to count the pin at 8:36. This was entertaining.

• Rating: ***

RINGSIDE: JR with Cornette. He runs down the Freebirds and hypes the upcoming match.

Bill Irwin vs. (c) Sting – NWA TV Title

Irwin goes to work to start things off but my guess is that won’t last long. It doesn’t, as Sting decides he’d like to start whipping some ass. Suplex gets a one count, and WILD BILL IRWIN is back on offense. Sting misses the Stinger Splash, and Irwin catches Sting off the top rope in a fun spot.

Irwin goes to the corner to brag with the bull whip but Sting splashes and rolls him up to retain the title at 3:14.

• Rating: 1/2*

VIDEO: Scott Hall is a man on a mission, and that mission apparently includes taunting alligators. This may be the greatest video package ever created.

VIDEO: A non-sweaty JR is at Flair’s house in Charlotte. JR talks about whether Flair will wrestle again. JR goes inside and shakes Flair’s hand, with the latter wearing a cool combo of a neck brace and a Los Angeles Lakers jacket.

Flair is concerned about not wrestling again and is really selling the Funk attack. JR asks how he feels mentally, and Flair says it’s been the hardest part. JR talks about the NWA waiving the 30-day clause on the champion defending his title. Flair says he’ll announce his decision on July 1 whether he will come back or relinquish the title.

JR asks what Flair would say if Funk was watching. Flair says if his neck could carry his heart, Fun wouldn’t make it out of Fort Bragg. Then he tells Funk not to sleep at night. This was very, very good.

The Fabulous Freebirds (w/Terry Gordy) vs. The Midnight Express (w/Jim Cornette) – NWA World Tag Title Tournament Finals

Before the match, Paul E comes outta nowhere and nails Cornette with a loaded racket. THE DYNAMIC DUDES ARE HERE TO SAVE THE DAY. Actually, they don’t save the day and do nothing but check on Cornette while wearing their neon green hats. They carry Cornette out as the Midnights look flustered in the ring as the match starts.

Lane with arm drags all over the place and a double team leads to a two count. More double team action from the Midnights and another near fall. Garvin and Hayes taunt the crowd which is pretty much shirtless men at this point. Freebirds gain control and Eaton gets sent outside. Hayes on the offensive back inside and Eaton gets throw outside yet again. Eaton then gets sent off the apron face-first into the steel rail.

Freebirds with all the momentum and Garvin works to a chin lock on Eaton in the ring. Finally the hot tag to Lane and he hits a big DDT on Hayes. And now Lane tags back to Eaton and they double team both Freebirds. Gordy steps on the apron but gets knocked down. Another double team on Garvin and only a one count. But then Tommy Young get distracted with corner action, and naturally, Gordy gets in and power bombs Eaton. Gordy hops out and Garvin scores the pin to win the titles at 10:03.

• Rating: **

Ricky Steamboat vs. Terry Funk

The story here is that Steamboat is the No. 1 contender for the title and Funk is the No. 10 contender, so the latter is far away from a title shot despite attacking Flair. IT’S CHOP TIME early as both men exchange some vicious slaps to the chest. Steamboat now slapping the hell out of Funk’s face. Steamboat rocking and rolling with a dropkick that sends Funk retreating.

Back inside and Funk turns things around by hurling Steamboat outside. Steamboat reverses and throws Funk into the rail before sending him back in the ring. Funk back on top as he punches Steamboat repeatedly. Neckbreaker from Funk and that looked painful. Two count for Funk and then Steamboat comes back chopping.

JR continues to put over Steamboat’s ranking being in jeopardy, and then Steamboat sends Funk to the corner and over the top. Steamboat on the top rope and Funk hops on the apron and then walks to the other corner before falling off. Steamboat flies off the top and delivers the chop to the head. And now Steamboat picks Funk up and walks around the entire outside of the ring before slamming him. Excellent spot.

Steamboat completely dominating as he sends Funk over the top rope yet again. Funk finally gets some offense in as he goes back to punches and chops. Funk then delivers the piledriver, but Steamboat kicks out at two. Then we get the loudest chop ever from Steamboat straight to the chest of Funk. This leads to a corner spot where Nick Patrick gets nailed and he’s out of commission.

We go to the outside and there’s another piledriver on Steamboat. Funk gets back in and wakes Patrick up. Somehow Steamboat gets back to the apron and Funk suplexes him into the ring. Funk pulls Patrick over for the count and Steamboat kicks out again at two. This pisses Funk the hell off as he nails Steamboat with punches.

Funk dives off the top but Steamboat counters with the knees. Irish whip and Steamboat punches Funk in the abdomen. Another Irish whip and a chop to the ab. Steamboat up top and chops Funk on top of the noggin. Funk falls on the announce table and picks up a mic and hammers Steamboat with it, which causes the DQ at 14:00.

Funk goes to continue the beatdown but HERE COMES LEX LUGER to send Funk reeling. He calls for a mic and says there’s been talk of him having too big of an ego. Luger then picks up Steamboat AND CLEANS HIS CLOCK. Luger then grabs a chair and nails Steamboat in the back before throwing him in the Torture Rack. Sting flies in to make the save as Luger leaves. This entire sequence was just fantastic, and it’s a situation where the match isn’t hurt by the DQ finish since it made the most sense.

• Rating: ****1/4

SHOW SUMMARY

The main event and the Flair interview were the best things on the show, but other reasons to watch include Ranger Ross obliterating a terrorist, Scott Steiner’s massive bruise, and of course, the DING FUCKING DONGS.