Blake’s Royal Rumble 1990 Review: Best Roster Ever?

The WWF continues to ride its biggest star into 1990, but change is in the air in this Royal Rumble 1990 review.

Before that happens though, the company embarked on the third edition of the Rumble, which certainly had one of the greatest assortments of talent you’ll ever see in a single match.

Let’s jump in.

Date: January 21, 1990

Location: Amway Arena in Orlando, FL

VIDEO: Vince McMahon runs through the entire list of Royal Rumble participants. Vince saying ‘Hakuuuuuuuuuu’ is always good for a laugh.

ON THE STAGE: Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura welcome us. It’s always strange seeing Tony in the WWF, but it’s never strange to see Jesse wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt and ears.

The Fabulous Rougeaus (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. The Bushwhackers

The bell rings and we get several minutes of both teams taunting before the match actually starts. Rougeaus quickly go for a double team but Luke breaks that up. Butch immediately starts BITING RAYMOND’S ASS and then he proceeds to BITING THE REFEREE’S ASS. Only in 1990, folks. Jacques manages to get a little bit of offense before Luke starts biting him in the head. Luke clotheslines Raymond on the apron and the bad guys retreat again to the outside to huddle with Hart.

Underhanded tactics from Raymond as Jacques distracts the referee and Butch. Jacques then delivers some damage to Luke with everyone else distracts once again. Luke tries to get the headbutt to the penis on Raymond but that doesn’t work. More teamwork from the Rougeaus and Luke tries the bite again. Jacques tries a big splash but Luke gets the knees up and we get the hot tag to Butch. All four men in and it’s DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER TIME on the Rougeaus.

Luke and Butch go for the battering ram but Hart holds Luke’s feet as the referee just stares at him. Great officiating, Danny Davis! They go after Hart and the Rougeaus hit a double dropkick for a two count. Raymond locks in the crab as Luke trips Jacques. Double battering ram on both Rougeaus and Butch earns the pin at 13:35. Pretty entertaining match, and the crowd was hot.

• Rating: **1/4

BACKSTAGE: Gene Okerlund is with Ted DiBiase and Virgil. Gene calls him out for drawing No. 30 in last year’s Rumble, and DiBiase goes off. DiBiase then gets pissed as Gene asks him what number he drew this year. He hands over the piece of paper and Gene reveals that it’s No. 1. DiBiase says it doesn’t matter and he’ll still win the thing.

IN THE RING: We get what will undoubtedly be the best segment of the evening, as The Genius reads off another masterpiece.

The Genius vs. Brutus ‘The Barber’ Beefcake

Genius does his stretches in the corner and we legitimately get one of the worst camera angles ever as it pretty much just zooms in on his crotch. Luckily he decides to escape to the outside and do some cartwheels. These two prance around for a bit to mock each other before Genius gets the upper hand after a rake to the eyes. Beefcake hits the atomic drop and Genius sells it like a champ. Beefcake back on offense as we get the test of strength before he stomps on Genius’ fingers. Genius then gets racked on the top rope before scurrying outside.

Genius gets in a little offense but Beefcake kicks out of a pin attempt. Genius goes for a roll up but only gets a two again. Top rope move fails for Genius as Beefcake reverses and hits a slam. Beefcake then locks in the sleeper hold momentarily but Genius gets out. Beefcake then slings Genius towards the ropes but the ref is in the way and gets nailed. Beefcake locks in the sleeper but the ref is still down. Beefcake runs to the outside and grabs the scissors before the cutting begins on Genius’ hair. Here comes Mr. Perfect to break it up and the bell rings for what appears to be a double DQ at 11:07.  Perfect grabs a chair and destroys Beefcake with it before a host of refs come in to break it up. The match was just there to set up the eventual WrestleMania match between Perfect and Beefcake.

• Rating: *

BACKSTAGE: Sean Mooney with The Heenan Family. Rude refuses to reveal his number and then Mooney stirs the pot by asking what would happen if they all had to face each other. Haku starts shouting, then Andre starts shouting. Heenan pulls them away for a team meeting.

Greg Valentine (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Ronnie Garvin – Submission Match

Valentine is pissed that Garvin is wearing a brace on his leg. That causes Valentine and Hart to retreat to the aisle but Garvin attacks from behind. Back inside and Garvin immediately goes for pin as he stares at the referee and wonders why he isn’t counting. Way to sell the match stipulation there, Ron. Valentine regains control as he throws the chops in the corner. Garvin brings some hops of his own and Valentine retreats to the outside to get some advice from Hart.

Back inside and Valentine works on the leg before TRYING TO PIN GARVIN. He legitimately lays on Garvin for nearly 10 seconds. Hell let’s just throw out the stipulation at this point. Now they’re punching each other silly which leads to Garvin delivering a headbutt. Garvin goes for the piledriver but Valentine reverses it, and Garvin nearly tries to counter it into a sunset flip pin. But then Hammer drops down on him and flexes AS HE ASKS THE REF TO COUNT THE PIN. The ref just stares at him, and that leads to Garvin reversing it into a ANOTHER MOTHER FUCKING PIN. Holy shit. Even Hart doesn’t know what to think as he yells through the megaphone that this is a submission match. Jesse says he has a feeling the match could go a long time, and I completely agree if these two keep trying to win a SUBMISSION MATCH by pinfall.

Corner chops from Valentine and he starts adjusting the leg brace. However, Garvin takes control and ROLLS HIM UP FOR A PIN. Just stop the damn match and call it a double DQ via utter stupidity. Valentine chops Garvin again and then drops the knee. I kid you not, he then looks at the ref and appears to be wanting him to count while his knee is laying over Valentine’s throat. Valentine then goes over and hooks in the Figure Four but Garvin starts smiling and making faces. Schiavone explains that Garvin has something around his knee that’s preventing any pain. Valentine gets up and that leads to Garvin going for a SMALL PACKAGE. Pin attempt No. 879 in a submission match.

Valentine picks Garvin up over his head and locks in some weird submission hold before throwing him down. Valentine drops the elbow and goes for the Figure Four but Garvin kicks him away. Then they just grab each other and Garvin starts chopping. Garvin locks in his own submission as Schiavone points out that it’s his first submission attempt of the match. Valentine gets to the ropes and rolls outside. Now they’re both outside chopping away. Garvin goes for the piledriver on the floor but Valentine backdrops him. In the ring again and Garvin gets locked in the ropes in the corner. Perhaps Valentine will try to pin him. The ref has to get Garvin out of the ropes before both Garvin and Valentine run into each other.

Both men down and Hart takes the brace off Garvin’s leg. Valentine hits a horrible backbreaker and then locks in the Figure Four for a solid hour before Garvin reverses. But Valentine holds onto the ropes to get a little more damage in before the break. Valentine goes for the Figure Four again and I will give you one guess as to what happens next. If you guessed that Garvin would reverse it into a small package for another pin, YOU ARE CORRECT. Valentine goes up top and Garvin throws him off. Garvin takes the brace off Valentine’s leg and that leads to Valentine trying to earn the pin with a school boy. Fire both men on the spot. Valentine gets locked in the ropes and Garvin throws Hart in. He then clocks Valentine and uses the sharpshooter for the win at 16:55. I realize this was a hot feud and had a stipulation that wasn’t used all that often, but the 2.3 billion pin attempts just ruined it for me.

• Rating: **

BACKSTAGE: Mean Gene with Mr. Perfect. Gene mentions that the only way to win this interview is by submission, so Perfect immediately goes for a pinfall. I kid. Perfect explains his actions from earlier and reveals that he drew No. 30 in the Rumble.

IN THE RING: Brother Love in the ring as Schiavone asks Jesse how many donuts he thinks had this morning. Lots of talking here that leads to a Sherri/Savage and Dusty/Sapphire brouhaha before Dusty attacks Brother Love and Sapphire gives him a huge slap.

BACKSTAGE: Mooney with Hacksaw Jim Duggan. He hypes the match with the Big Boss Man.

The Big Boss Man (w/Slick) vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan

You’ve gotta love a good hoss match. They go at each other right away as Hacksaw sends Boss Man reeling to the outside. Boss Man grabs Hacksaw’s legs and brings him out before throwing him into the post. But Hacksaw isn’t selling a steel post, and instead, moves out of the way as Boss Man runs into the steel steps. Back in the ring and a splash in the corner from Boss Man. Hacksaw tries to regain control but Boss Man hits an ENZIGURI. Jesse points out how remarkable it is for a guy of Boss Man’s size to hit that move. It’s true.

Boss Man in control now and he throws the leg over Duggan’s head on the ropes. Hacksaw gets a little offense but Boss Man with the axe handle to get a two count. PINS COUNT IN THIS MATCH. Slick gets a choke in on Hacksaw as Boss Man distracts the ref. Chin lock from Boss Man but Hacksaw gets out and tries to capitalize. But Boss Man won’t have that as he hits a knee to go back on offense. Another near fall as Boss Man then goes for the bear hug. Now they go back and forth with Hacksaw eventually clotheslining Boss Man over the top.

Hacksaw regains control and then Boss Man hits a big clothesline. Boss Man heads up top but misses a splash. Hacksaw goes for a shoulder block but they run into each other and both hit the mat. Slick jumps on the apron to hold Hacksaw but he moves and Boss Man nails Slick. That leads to Slick giving him the nightstick which Boss Man uses to give Hacksaw the DQ win at 6:13. Hacksaw hits Boss Man with the 2×4 after the match and then hits Slick in the ass. This was fine.

• Rating: **

BACKSTAGE: We get 10 solid minutes of various wrestlers talking about how they’re gonna win the Rumble. This was a good reminder that Savage’s crown during this time period was absolutely incredible.

The 1990 Royal Rumble Match

Let’s rock. Ted DiBiase is No. 1, and here comes Koko B. Ware at No. 2. DiBiase opens up a can of whoop ass until Koko hulks up for some offense. But that doesn’t work as DiBiase throws him over the top for a quick elimination. Marty Jannetty in at No. 3 and he gets a little work in before DiBiase goes back on offense. DiBiase up top but Jannetty nails him coming off. DiBiase thrown into the ropes and Jannetty goes to clothesline him over, but DiBiase ducks and there’s another elimination.

Business picks up as Jake Roberts is No. 4. DiBiase loses it and goes outside to bodyslam him. Roberts rams DiBiase into the post before they head back inside. Clothesline from Roberts and then he goes for the DDT, but DiBiase reverses. Here comes Randy Savage at No. 5 and it looks like he stole the Dynamic Dudes’ gear from WCW. Savage and DiBiase double team Roberts for a bit until Roddy Piper comes rumbling in at No. 6. He goes nuts and so does the crowd. Piper helps Roberts out of the ropes and they decimate Savage and DiBiase.

Savage nearly eliminates Piper, and then Piper returns the favor but both men stay in. The Warlord is No. 7 and he goes right after Roberts. Warlord and Piper start going at it as Savage and DiBiase try to get Roberts out. Piper back over and it’s DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER TIME on Savage and Roberts. Here comes Bret Hart at No. 8 and this is an incredible assortment of talent in the ring right now. And yes, I’m counting hoss legend Warlord in that mix. Bret ducks a double team move from Savage and DiBiase before he and Piper hit the double team close line on Warlord.

Roberts nearly eliminates DiBiase as Bad News Brown comes in at No. 9. He goes right after Bret and there’s chaos everywhere. Roberts calls for the DDT on DiBiase but Savage comes over and clotheslines Roberts over the top to send him packing. Piper tries to eliminate DiBiase but Savage makes the save. Dusty Rhodes is No. 10 and he delivers an immediate elbow to Savage. That quickly leads to Dusty eliminating Savage as the crowd loses their damn minds. Next up is Andre the Giant at No. 11 as a young Shane McMahon looks on in his referee suit at ringside. Andre quickly eliminates Warlord which leads to Bobby Heenan and Mr. Fuji getting into it.

Andre starts attacking Dusty and Piper in the corner as DiBiase and Bad News work on Bret. The Red Rooster is No. 12 and I’m willing to bet he won’t be your winner. We get Bad News going for a clothesline to send Piper out, but Piper ducks it and eliminates him. That leads to Bad News getting angry and hopping up on the apron to pull Piper over the top to eliminate him. They brawl up the aisle way and into the back. Ax is No. 13 as Andre easily eliminates Rooster. Ax and Dusty tie up Andre in the ropes while Bret is attempting to throw DiBiase over.

Haku in at No. 14 to save Andre. Eventually we get Haku and Andre working on Ax. And here comes Smash at No. 15 as he and Ax brawl with Haku and Andre. Bret nearly eliminates DiBiase but Haku with another save. Akeem is No. 16 and what a ridiculous amount of talent in the ring at this point. Ax and Smash get Andre near the ropes and then hit the double clothesline to eliminate him as the crowd goes apeshit. Jimmy Snuka into the mix at No. 17 and he quickly eliminates Akeem. Poor, Akeem. Dino Bravo in at No. 18 and Ax and Smash try to send DiBiase out. Earthquake joins the mix at No. 19 and he quickly eliminates Dusty.

Ax tries to go on offense but Earthquake heaves him over the top for another elimination. Jim Neidhart comes running out at No. 20 and goes after Earthquake. We then get everyone in the ring aside from Bravo trying to pick up Earthquake in the corner, and before Bravo can make the save, they manage to dump Earthquake onto the floor. Bravo gets pissed before getting his ass kicked by Snuka. And business officially picks up as The Ultimate Warrior flies in at No. 21. The crowd loses their shit as Warrior eliminates Bravo. Warrior and Neidhart chop DiBiase like crazy before Rick Martel enters at No. 22.

Haku manages to eliminate Smash as Neidhart nearly sends Martel packing. Six men in the ring right now as Tito Santana makes his way in at No. 23. THE STRIKE FORCE IS EXPLODING. Santana and Martel go at it while people are still trying to get DiBiase outta there. Honky Tonk Man is No. 24 and Warrior goes right after him. Neidhart gets eliminated and then Warrior clotheslines DiBiase over which obviously gets a huge pop from the crowd. Hulk Hogan is here at No. 25, and folks, the people are going insane. He eliminates Snuka right away and then hits the big boot to eliminate Haku.

Martel and Santana go at it, but Warrior comes over and eliminates Santana as Martel holds on. Shawn Michaels arrives at No. 26 as Hogan shakes, rattles, and rolls Honky out of this match. Warrior goes over and quickly eliminates Michaels before going over and doing the same to Martel. WARRIOR AND HOGAN ARE ALL ALONE. They go face to face and then we get the CRISS CROSS, which is easily one of the most ridiculous sequences in the history of wrestling. The hell are these guys doing just running in opposite directions? That leads to a double clothesline as The Barbarian comes in at No. 27 to take advantage.

Barbarian goes to work on both, and ironically, hits a big boot on Hogan. Then from out of nowhere, Rick Rude comes flying into the ring at No. 28 before the countdown even starts to go after Warrior. Barbarian and Rude try to dump Warrior out, and that leads to the big sequence where Hogan runs over and hits Barbarian and Rude, with the extra momentum causing Warrior to be eliminated. Warrior ain’t having that shit, as he gets back in and attacks Barbarian and Rude before running down the aisle into the back. Jesse is trying to figure out why Warrior attacked those two and not Hogan since he’s the one that actually eliminated him.

Hercules is No. 29 and he and Hogan start working on the bad guys. BACKSCRATCH OF DOOM from Hogan on Barbarian as everyone fights a bit before Mr. Perfect runs in at No. 30. He goes after Hogan as Hercules eliminates Barbarian. So, your final four is Hogan, Hercules, Rude, and Perfect. Rude eliminates Hercules, and we’re back to the same formula for the third straight year as it’s a good guy trying to conquer two heels. Rude and Perfect attack Hogan for a bit until Hogan ducks a double team move. That leads to Perfect winding up on the apron holding on the ropes, and Hogan  slings Rude in that direction, with Rude going over the top since the ropes were held down. Rude is pissed, but it’s Hogan and Perfect left. Not sure how this one is gonna unfold.

Perfect hits the Perfect Plex and Hogan does not sell it for a single second. MAYBE THAT PLEX ISN’T SO PERFECT, BROTHER. Hogan then runs wild and eliminates Perfect in the corner to win it at 58:46. There’s a lot to digest here. For starters, it’s well-known that Perfect was originally supposed to win the match, but Hogan reportedly had it changed. However, when you see the reaction to the Hogan/Warrior showdown, it was clear what the money match was for WrestleMania VI. That was an iconic moment that undoubtedly had Vince creaming his pants at the potential of the feud between those two. I’m a huge Perfect fan, but Hogan winning made more sense for where the company was headed at the biggest show of the year. This is still one of the better Royal Rumble matches due to the insane amount of star power and the beginning of the Hogan/Warrior feud.

• Rating: ****

SHOW SUMMARY

The undercard was a lot of nothing, even if Garvin/Valentine was pure entertainment because of the gazillion pin attempts. But the Rumble match itself more than delivered while setting up one of the biggest WWF matches ever.